I am writing this on April 7th: Good Friday. It is 9 PM now, and you can be sure this will not be posted until the following day. Nevertheless, the weight of Holy Week is superseding my formerly weakened faith.
The Stumbling of Jesus
To carry the cross meant joy for Jesus, but it has felt too heavy a burden in recent times for myself. During this week of reflecting on my faith, I rediscovered a stronger community with Jesus due to the recounting of one instance: Jesus stumbles while carrying the cross to the Place of the Skull. This is when a man by the name of Simon the Cyrene stepped in and carried the cross for Jesus. Let us never forget the name, for Simon takes shape in my own journey of faith by pastors, friends, and mentors who have pushed me forward in the endless road of knowing God.
I have stumbled with my cross of discipleship: but this does not neglect my faith in any manner. This is when the strength of community upholds me. Should I allow the closeness of community to sustain me during times of difficulty, I may suffer but I may not delve into faithlessness. Jesus stumbled. Stumbling is a huge component of what it means to be human. Contrary to popular opinion, Jesus is not superhuman. He is fully God, yes, but one cannot deny that God became fully human. The Incarnation did not come with superpowers.
What Does the Death of Jesus Mean?
The famous paradox: God died, but one cannot kill God. For one Saturday, the disciples of Jesus were atheists. In the words of my classmate, we must remember that Jesus “crawled onto the altar”. Over these past few months, I have wondered if I can maintain my Christianity. The story seemed so large, almost too large to hold to its integrity. I could not explain my position with God. If faith were a tightrope, I am feebly prancing, barely containing my balance with every leap forward. Enter the death of Jesus.
The very incarnation of the story I struggle to believe in died. The whole plan seemed to fall apart. But after all is said and done, what does it mean to believe other than to die?
“Dying to yourself” is a common phrase in Christian circles, adopting itself from Galatians 2:20. I neglect to believe that the meaning of this phrase is that when with Jesus we become void of personality and all that makes us truly human. No, we have true passions and loves. We have unique humors and hobbies that God does not take away from us should we love Him. Rather, there are beliefs, thoughts, and practices that wither off our branches in pursuit of becoming Christlike.
This may include what we thought of our faith. Our perception of faith may become a façade because God is growing in our minds, breaking the limits of what He became to us (or what we fashioned Him to be). Therefore, in the Christian story, He dies to us. Good Friday is a historically repeating event, occurring in what others have called “The Dark Night of the Soul”. But He is never truly gone: like the Easter story, He is digging up the trenches of death, but we do not know where He may be. And like that Saturday, we find our story within the first disciples: our Saviour has died in our minds. But He is only planting the seeds of the Kingdom.
Once with God, He does not depart from us. Call yourself an unbeliever, He has only died in your mind. He meets us at an intersection: there is resurrection for Him in our lives, or we depart from Him completely (that is, to leave Him in the grave of your mind).
God be with you.
God be with the resurrection of your faith, no matter how meager it may be.
God hold you,
enfold you,
and keep you wrapped around His heart.
May you be known by love.
- Paul Field